Jeremy C Kester

an essay

One might be inclined to think they would easily detect when they need a rest. I thought I knew that of myself, how I should be easily capable of telling when I was getting to a point where it was best for me to take a breath. To rest. When I needed a break. Being stubborn creatures, as we all are, our minds are intent on being oblivious or downright ignoring certain things, especially when it would be in our best interest in recognition. So when struggling with burnout, I chose instead to muscle through it, keeping my nose to the grindstone, sanding away every ounce of energy until my body had to relent to illness to get me to stop and take notice.

Signals abounded, sure, telling me in all manners and ways a pause was needed to give me rest, particularly mentally, although when one puts this off too long, the need for rest, even if it is just mental, will bleed into the physical. And that is what happened.

We often tend to forget the nature of life, in how mind entangles with body, which also entangles with spirit. Locking into one mode of thinking, such as materialism, for instance, which eschews religious thinking, thus narrowing perspective and understanding. Or in the separation between medicine from psychology and the mental sciences and doctors. Even within medicine, the body is often treated as a series of components, treating each one like a part of a car needing repair in order to keep running.

We are far more complex than these thoughts.

While I moved through life appearing to be full of energy and vigor, the mental stress of burnout ate away until my body hit a point I could no longer ignore.

“Oh, you just got sick.” Easy to say. We all get sick all the time, were one to believe it. Only a matter of a virus or bacteria catching me and taking hold, right? Or does being mentally drained have any impact? Research likely exists showing something like an increase of cortisol (the stress hormone) or a decrease in some other immune markers depending on mental states. Anxious people get sick more often, and burnout is akin to generalized anxiety. Even though I might not feel anxious or stressed, the general effect of burnout is relatively the same, lowering my defenses to allow for those insidious little viruses to catch hold.

Now, I can deal with the physical stuff. Getting sick takes me out for a day or two, really. The rest of the time, while I might be inconvenienced by symptoms like a sore throat, cough, runny nose, or other related things, I can generally function while sick. Workouts continue even as these symptoms persist. What kills me more about burnout though, is what it does to the spirit.

It’s not unlike depression, where the colors of life feel just a little muted. Dull. Less vibrant. Motivation takes the biggest hit, deciding it best not to show up at all when normally she might be a fickle beast. Tasks outside of the necessary, those activities sustaining life, become arduous, or nearly impossible to perform.

Without realizing it, these feelings snuck up on me. It only took my body getting wrecked with illness before I understood it. Given my health (which is actually good considering how damned hard I work on it), getting sick was unusual, but when I gave it thought, I realized my general predicament. Burnout. Exhaustion.

Time helps, time and effort. Once I realized it, I knew a combination of better rest and meaningful activities would help. I’ll get there. Burnout is an asshole, but one I can manage through knowing now what I do.

---

Photo and words copyright © 2025 by Jeremy C Kester – all rights reserved.

Note: this is also cross-posted to Poetically Unlicensed on Substack