for an update.
Let’s face it, or rather, I should face it: I am burned out. Or if one prefers it phrased differently — I am suffering from burn out.
It’s a strange realization to come to. And though it is an answer to the many questions as to the “why” to how I feel this last while, it isn’t a solution, though it can help point me to one.
Burn out is a bit funny. It is more of a psychological state than a physical one, I would say, although it takes on many physical traits of exhaustion, too. It is like depression, but without the actual, you know — depression. You don’t feel like you can do anything, but it isn’t due to low mood or melancholy. Want and need are still there, where as in depression from what I’ve experienced, they are not. It takes even more effort — like choosing to climb over a tangled fence with barbed wire rather than walk through the gate right there… that you never saw.
One of the issues I have is in how I travel for work. Most weeks, I have the weekend for being at home. This can be difficult in and of itself, exhausting me to where I using the travel to recover from home and home to recover from travel, never really getting to a good baseline. Workloads never go away, they only compound and get put off. Already a procrastinator, it only became exacerbated when I legitimately did not have the time available to address many things.
Then there are the other stresses and problems of either life.
My issue is the time to recover.
While already struggling to gain some balance, a number of things negatively impacted my ability to do so. In the last months, for instance, I was only home about a single evening each week, bouncing between multiple trips for multiple reasons. It accelerated the exhaustion already underfoot.
The week before last I was fortunately home which allowed me some time to get a few backlogged tasks complete while simultaneously resting. This last week then shoved me hard back to the ground.
Either way, I understand how much I’ve neglected. From family to work to my writing to this site, there’s a lot I need to get back on top of.
Burn out notwithstanding, of course.
We’ll see what it brings. For now, I am doing my best to stay on top of the release schedule I posted. After that, I need to get this site active again in some way. Whatever it is, it will be.
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