Why do we do the things we do? Are we pushing things to an end? What is that end? Are we responding to our ego? Are we responding to fear? Anxiety? What is driving the decisions we make?
These questions and more have been gnawing at me these last few weeks as I’ve been struggling my way through the depths of my thoughts, trying to understand the reason that I keep trying to write despite all the ways I sabotage myself while also making stupid decisions in my life that further compound my issues.
What I have found is that when I am making decisions that serve ego, or are a result of anxiety or stress, they are the decisions that worsen my situation in some form or another. When I am striving to do something that brings value, or making a decision from the right perspective, things generally move to a better place. Things move in a positive, empowering direction.
The trick to this is of course, slowing myself down and being mindful of what is going on each moment. Reactions happen of course, so it is often tricky. Habits can be changed though. Letting myself see where I am making these decisions that take me away from value will help to begin the shift I need.