Jeremy C Kester

There is a creeping doubt. It hides at the edge of my sight — of my thought — where it lingers, stepping back whenever I try to peer into its direction. As the line of between light and darkness shifts, it keeps its footfalls behind the shadow. Truth is there with it; that I am certain. Truth lingers there, within that doubt — somewhere. Somehow. If I could only grasp it.

That doubt lies in the statement that many make of how “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”. It’s not so much the statement itself that I doubt. In fact, I often think that that statement rings more truth than we even consider. Hells of ego, tyranny, malevolence, violence, and more reside under the gravel of that road. Good intentions ultimately mean little against such adversaries. Doubt for me is found in the paving as I am not convinced that the intentions most propose as good to be actually good.

The good in these “good intentions” appear to be more of a narrative. Words set to convince ourselves of the higher order of being. As such, it is as though more sinister truths behind them always lurk. It is the dual face of deception and of the Devil. It is the pursuit of making society happy because in truth we cannot seem to accept the suffering in our own heart. We claim to be a warrior of peace and goodness, but under it is the anger of rejection and the confusion of self-doubt.

I am unsure whether it is truth here, that it lies there. But as often as it is said, “truth lies somewhere in the middle”, maybe it resides there at the edge. Maybe that’s why I can’t quite grasp it. Maybe that is why as I explore this, I cannot help but feel that it remains slightly out of my reach.